Managing Anxiety When You Have Abandonment Issues

Managing Anxiety When You Have Abandonment Issues 

Abandonment issues can be painful. You may have them for a variety of reasons, including trauma or issues with past relationships. Sometimes it’s difficult to trace the source of the abandonment issues, but it’s helpful to know why you’re struggling with them so you can cope. Worrying that somebody is going to abandon you can cause a lot of anxiety. You can deal with the anxiety even though it seems unmanageable. Here are some of the causes of abandonment issues and why anxiety may come up as well as some suggestions for coping.

Why am I afraid somebody is going to leave me?

One reason that you could suffer from abandonment issues is that you have separation anxiety. Maybe you’ve been an anxious person your whole life. Perhaps you’ve suffered from separation anxiety as a child. You could’ve had a caregiver who was inconsistent or a guardian who was gone for days at a time. You may have had a traumatic experience where you were worried somebody wasn’t coming back to take care of you. Separation anxiety can cause abandonment issues. Another reason you might have these worries is that you have a mental health condition that comes with them.

Mental health conditions that cause anxiety about abandonment

There are mental health issues that can cause anxiety surrounding abandonment. For example, those who have anxiety disorders such as panic disorder or Generalized Anxiety Disorder may struggle with abandonment issues. They’re afraid people will leave them because of their anxiety. People who have Borderline Personality Disorder can suffer from severe abandonment issues. The reason is that they have consistent volatile or unstable relationships. They worry that they will be “too much “for others to handle, and those people will leave. These thoughts are common for people that have anxiety, depression, or any mental health issue. Often people worry that their condition is overwhelming to others and that people end up checking out of their lives. It’s crucial to know that just because you have a mental illness doesn’t mean that people automatically leave you. Those who understand what you’re going through (and accept you) will stay. 

Worrying somebody will leave does not help them to stay

It’s important to note that worrying that somebody will leave you and continually talking about that will not influence them to stay. However, it is helpful to be open about your abandonment issues so that you don’t hold them inside. There’s a balance between obsessively talking about it and just letting someone know how you feel. Sometimes in relationships, it can help to express what’s bothering you. It’s also good to let the person know that they do not have to reassure you repeatedly that they’re not going to leave. That could end up pushing them away. Tell them why you have these abandonment issues and what you worry about. That could help explain your anxiety and make you feel like you’re not keeping it inside. Another option is to discuss these concerns with a licensed therapist.

Being alone is scary

It’s okay to be afraid of being alone. There’s nothing wrong with you for having that fear. It’s natural to worry about being without a support system. The fear of abandonment can be overwhelming when it feels like you’ll be left without someone to talk with or comfort you. The reality is, you can’t determine whether others will stay. But, you can rely on yourself and how you manage your problems. The more secure in yourself you are, the less concerned you will be about who stays and goes in your life. The right people will stick around, and you won’t have to worry about it because you know that you can count on yourself. These are issues that you can talk about in therapy and get clarity on so you’re not so scared of being abandoned. 

Talking about abandonment issues in online therapy

Online therapy is a safe place to speak about any mental health concerns you have, including abandonment issues. An online counselor will never judge you and will help you understand the source of your abandonment issues. Whether it’s related to a mental health issue or a traumatic experience, abandonment issues can be painful. They can impact relationships to the point where you are always seeking reassurance from another person that they will not leave. That can put a strain on your relationships. The good news is once you understand the source of these concerns, you can work through them and foster healthy relationships. You can talk to an online counselor with a company like BetterHelp. The counselors understand what it’s like to worry about abandonment. You will find relief once you start discussing these concerns in therapy and find that your relationships are improving for the better. 

Marie Miguel has been a writing and research expert for nearly a decade, covering a variety of health- related topics. Currently, she is contributing to the expansion and growth of a free online mental health resource with With an interest and dedication to addressing stigmas associated with mental health, she continues to specifically target subjects related to anxiety and depression.

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